Nervous?

In a word: yes. I am nervous.

I was nervous (and somewhat discouraged) when I realized that I was running a 12-minute mile. But then I read the comments from some of my lovely readers, and I realized that I’m OK. Running at a comfortable speed for me is just fine! I don’t need to be a speed demon!

I went for my last run before the big day this morning. I woke up at 5:15 and was out the door by 5:30. It was still dark out, which was actually really soothing. The sun wasn’t beating down on me. There were hardly any people awake and about. I just concentrated on my music and my workout.

The whole thing was coming pretty easy to me, which is just CRAZY because I never EVER thought I’d enjoy running. The first mile was a good warmup. The second mile was a little bit more difficult but still relatively easy. I don’t even remember the third mile!

I always thought it was nuts when people would say that they enjoyed running because they loved how it freed their mind. Ha! Yea right! There is no way my mind could be free while running. I'm thinking about my breathing, my legs getting tired, wanting to stop at the end of each song on my iPod.

But not this time. Like I said, I don’t really remember the final mile of my run. It was relaxing until the last segment when I really pushed myself to the finish line (aka the intersection where my route begins and ends). What a neat feeling! I got to go with it and not think about a thing! I’m pumped that I’ve incorporated running into my life, and I’m looking forward to my next freeing experience.


I pushed stop on my watch, and I’d completed the three-mile trek in 34 minutes! Almost 2.5 minutes less than my last three-miler! I didn’t want to set a time goal for my first 5K, but I was secretly hoping to finish closer to 30 minutes than 40 minutes. Anything 34:59 and faster would be A-OK with me. And now I know I can do it! So, after this morning’s run, I was no longer nervous.

I was sweaty, tired and happy! Nervousness gone.

Until I found out that the majority of Saturday’s 5K is uphill. COME ON! (To be read like Gob, for all you Arrested Development fans out there.) I figured it would be hilly, but “hilly” should include downhill, don’t you think?? Grrrr. I haven’t really worked on my uphill skills. Nervousness returns.

This uphill business hasn’t been confirmed. Just hearsay at this point, but still, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I know that it’s OK to walk for a moment and get back to running.
I know that the time it takes me to finish doesn’t matter.
But it kinda matters to me.

My running the entire thing was my only concrete goal, and I hate not following through. The time thing doesn’t really bother me anymore, but it’s just like the number on the scale. I WANT to concentrate on how I feel rather than that silly number, but I still care about the number getting lower on the scale (slowly but surely). Just like I care a little bit about my finish time. Now that I know I can conquer the miles in 34-36 minutes, I want to be able to do it again. But running uphill? Eek. I just don’t know.

I recently subscribed to Body + Soul magazine. The last page of this month's issue has 10 Thoughts on Whole Living. Two of the points really hit home with me today.

Every moment of suffering

brings an opportunity

to build resilience.

As I’m running uphill, or just running in general, and I’m feeling like it’s getting too difficult, I need to remember that I am making myself stronger. Mind, body and soul. Every moment is worth it.

Don’t let fear of the unknown

hold you back
from making a change.

Saturday’s race stuff is all very unknown to me, and that’s soooo out of my comfort zone. I like being in control and (over)prepared. I don’t know the course. I don’t even know where to go and when to arrive! (Those last two I can determine in a jiffy, though.) The unknown course has been weighing on my mind for a while now, but this quote kinda put me at ease. I’ve made big changes in my life, and this race is a landmark occasion! I can’t let the unknown hold me back. I need to pay attention to the experience, take pride in my accomplishment, and enjoy the ride :)

This is my last post until the race. I can’t wait to let you all know how much I rocked it! My parents will be waiting for me at the finish line, and I’ll make sure they take lots of sweaty, tomato-faced pics of me. I’m looking forward to snagging my bag of apples afterward, too! There will also be apple cider available upon finishing, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be thirsting for water. But it is Applefest, after all, so maybe I should partake!

Until then, send me good thoughts!!! And thanks again for the motivation :)